Quilt Therapy

I have received my “Georgia Sunshine” BOM quilt back from my lovely friend and longarm quilter, Meloney – and will spend the weekend putting the binding on it.  It is destined for a special young lady, who is getting married next weekend.  My husband calls her his “first” girl, since he was living with her parents (they were all in college) when she was born – he was the first baby butt he diapered!

Hope you get some quilt therapy in this weekend, too!

We have four children.  Each of them has basically been raised the same, save for the fact that one is a boy and the other three are girls – and the boy is all boy while the girls all are different, in their own right.

My husband has a PhD and a strong leadership personality.  I’m not near as educated, but I did graduate from college.  Growing up the way I did has led to me being quite the person in charge of my own life.  I don’t do well with others telling me right or wrong, I rely on my faith and my joy for life to lead me in the directions I want to go.  I haven’t been a follower since I was quite young.  I’d also like to mention that both my DH and myself are scout leaders – and the main goal for those organizations is leadership.

Three of our children are leaders…who could care less what anyone else is doing, they are on a quest to live their own lives, on their terms, and obstacles are no match for their ability to press onward to their goals.  We may butt heads over their leadership qualities, but we know they learned them from us.

Yet, we have one daughter who is a follower.   She has made her whole existance based on what others think, feel, do, etc.  She does not let her individuality shine through, she chooses to be just like everyone else.  She wants to participate in the things that everyone else participates in, wants to wear the clothes they wear and wants to act like them, too.  Of course, with the latter, we’ve had to have words already – and school just started on Monday this week.  I will not tolerate sass, disrespect or poor manners.  We have taught them respect and manners their whole lives – she knows how to be good.  The sass is a hard one, because I have been known <ahem> to sass a time or two in my life – but, I can tell you that with my own parents, a good sass meant a good smack to the face.  No, we do not do that to our children.  But, talking isn’t doing much good, either.

We allow our kids to choose one thing they want to do during the school week, and we choose the other.  For instance, this daughter I speak of chooses to be in band (she’s amazingly gifted with musical instruments) and we choose for her to take piano lessons.  It worked great last year and we had no problems. 

With four kids, each of them doing 2 things a week – there goes our entire week and we rarely have a day off!

But, we now have an issue with this one daughter who is a follower.  She wants to add a third thing to her week – volleyball.  It’s not because she’s athletically talented – quite the opposite, actually.  She’s the blondest brunette you’ve ever seen!  But, all of her friends are in volleyball, so she believes she HAS to be there, too.  And she will not listen to reason, she would rather give up her already-chosen weekly “thing” to participate in volleyball – because her friends aren’t involved in her weekly choice, but they are all going to be in volleyball.

I’m having a hard time with this.  Trying to figure out how to parent a follower is difficult, in and of itself.  But, trying to reason with an emotional pre-teen who just moved up to middle school is even more difficult.  She doesn’t see what she’s doing to herself – how she’s “running with the pack” instead of being true to herself and her gifts and taking them as far as she can go. 

We don’t have any answers yet, but we’re working on it.  She knows she’s not athletic.  She knows music is her gift.  But, she also wants to be part of the “in” crowd and follow them (over a cliff) wherever they go. 

I want my child to be happy, but not at the expense of her self-esteem or her loss of time with her true gifts.  And gee, we let one do more then we have to let the other three do more – and there just isn’t enough adults to go around!

I usually don’t toot my birthday horn, but figured since I’m working and no one else is around, I’d have to sing birthday wishes to myself.  My husband and kids took me out for a delish lunch after church yesterday and then my MIL will have a birthday dinner for us tomorrow night.  We just have too much to do today, to deal with it (and I’m totally ok with that).  DH sent the 3 girls off this morning on the bus to their first day of school for the new school year, and is desparately trying to get our son-mans immunization records so he can go to school, too.  Our emergency does not constitute and emergency on anyone else’s part, even when it may have an effect on a child’s heart.  They’ll get the info to us if or when they have time.   Sad, but true!

So, today, I’ll celebrate in silence as I work.  And I’m ok with that, too.  Gives me time to reflect on who is missing in my life, who I wish – beyond anything else – that they could share this birthday celebration with me …. Mom, Dad, Mike, Gramma from Tramma.  And those who are still around, but who will forget or not take the time to say anything to me – Tom, Jeff, Cody, Kayla and a host of others who shall remain nameless.

I’m 46 today.  I’ve lived longer than both of my parents did and my older brother.  I celebrate every milestone, and I’ll take this one with my boots on.

While Meloney and her kids were here, we took the time to go visit the Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch.  This is a no-kill rescue facility for dogs, though they’ve also rescued a duck, pigs, cats and even a few donkeys.  The land for the rescue is owned by our very own, Kinky Friedman.  He’s a hoot, and if he were to run for governor again, I’d vote for him hands-down.  In years gone by, he was known in country music as the “Singing Jew”.  Since then, he’s become a wanna-be politician, an author, a dog-saver and he also runs a family-owned ranch for kids.

Cousin Nancy and Cousin Tony (dog rescuers) were at the local library last week and gave all of the kids in attendance a talk about what they did and some fun stories about their dogs and some folks who have helped them throughout the years.  It was a fun presentation, and Cousin Nancy has also written two books (that both of my older girls devoured) about stories at the ranch.  On Saturday, Cousin Nancy took us on a tour of their facilities.  Both Meloney and I are Girl Scout leaders and we have girls interested in working with the Rescue Ranch to earn their Bronze and Silver awards.  Not to mention that our troops, as well as my husband’s Cub Scout pack, are interested in organizing tours for our scouts.

After reading Cousin Nancy’s second book, DD#2 remembered that Cousin Nancy encouraged folks to bring snacks for the residents of the ranch, so she grabbed some carrots when we left the house, so the kids could feed the donkeys.  They weren’t down with the dogs, so Cousin Nancy took us on a little tour of the rest of the ranch and up by Kinky’s house, we found three donkeys and a beautiful horse.  Unfortunately, Kinky wasn’t home, but we did get to see his ass!

Kinky’s Ass, Cousin Nancy & our Kids at Echo Hill Ranch

My quilter, Meloney, and her two children came and spent a night in the country last weekend.  I had to laugh when I asked her if she got lost.  She said, “No, but I followed your directions to a T – but, I still wasn’t sure we were going to actually find you because you are so far out in the middle of nothing!”

So true.  And we LIKE it that way!

While they were here, we took my two youngest kids and her daughter and son swimming in the Medina river.  They all had a great time and enjoyed their time in the cool water.

If you’ve ever read my “100 FAQs“, you’ll know that I mention that my mother committed suicide.  Mom’s parents, my grandparents, went to their graves believing it was an accident.  I don’t disagree, to a point.  As far as I remember, the official death certificate said that she died of alcohol and drug poisoning, exacerbated by an epileptic seizure.  I never knew my mom had epilepsy – still don’t have a universal agreement of that from her family, either.

What I do know is that my mother was mentally ill, and her psychiatrist prescribed Antabuse as a way to help her stay away from alcohol.   This drug is supposed to make you sick (vomiting, upset stomach) if you drink alcohol on top of taking the medicine.  

Now, my mother had been in and out of both psychiatric hospitals as well as alcohol treatment centers most of my life.  We knew she had regular bouts of “sickness” and we were rarely left home alone with her.  My dad (and whomever he could find in the family to help him) was basically the one to raise us, after we were beyond the baby-stage of life.  But, Dad worked full time, so it was up to us to find our own fun.  Mom definitely loved her babies.  It’s been said to me that she liked her children until they got to the talking stage, and then she was ready for another baby.  Unfortunately, our last baby brother died of SIDS when he was 3 months old, and the rest of my childhood was lost as Mom spiraled in and out of herself.  Within a few short years, Mom had to have a hysterectomy and was unable to bear anymore children.  This is when her life spiraled even more out of control, because this is when she was introduced to prescription painkillers. 

Our mother abandoned us a year before she died, so she saved us from finding her dead.  As I understand everyone (and I’ve talked to nearly every family member I can find about this), Mom was living in an apartment with a married man.  He had gone home for the weekend to see his own family and left her alone.  Mom definitely had issues with being alone, especially after my dad died.  She was taking the Antabuse and then began drinking on top of it – and she drank so much, so fast, that it killed her.  Whether she had an epileptic seizure or not is not something factored in, when I’m thinking of the way her life ended – the amount of alcohol consumed in such a short period of time was enough to kill her, whether she had a seizure or not.

I bring all of this up because a loved one recently told me she attempted suicide a few months ago.  And it totally threw me for a loop this week.  She didn’t succeed, thankfully!  But, she did agree that God wasn’t ready for her yet – and that perhaps me needing her in my life was the reason for that.  That sure makes me feel loved, even if the process of her getting to me (she is not biologically related to me) was through her darkness and into the light.  She’s on the road to recovery, making changes in her life, and hoping to visit us this year. 

I don’t know what I’d do if someone I loved chose to end their life.  That’s a tough one for me, especially because of the scars that were left by my mother.  But, I do know that there IS help, and hope – even if you don’t know it at the time.

Last week, a local church had a back-to-school fair.  I’ve never attended one, but then we’ve probably never been in the financial position we are in right now.  I needed help with the kids’ school supplies, and thought this would be a great opportunity to get some help without strings.

First, I want to publicly thank The First Assembly of God Church in Kerrville, Texas.  This is a God-given calling they have received, and they did a fantastic job of bringing the community professionals and businesses together who worked with volunteers to offer something local for those who were in need. 

There were stations set up within their church.  Backpacks with a starter set of supplies for kids, bike helmets, shoes, haircuts, immunizations, sport’s physicals, eye exams, lunch, groceries and a prayer station.  Did I mention everything was free?  No strings, no tax returns – nothing needed except for you to show up (and wait for an hour in the hot Texas sun), fill out a simple form and move forward to the stations you needed to get into. 

Our kids got backpacks with supplies, shoes, lunch and groceries.  One daughter received two immunizations as well.

And I thank God for the blessings this church and their volunteers and participating professionals & donators has bestowed upon my family.  It’s just one step ahead of the back-to-school empty-my-already-empty-wallet puzzle that we needed.

I hope next year, I can get our church involved to help them out, too.

Our oldest daughter (the artist) asked for, and received, some artist’s fine point markers for her birthday last week.  After she read the instructions and played with them a while, she made a poster for her door.  It does point out some very good gifts that she has … but, ummm, I’m a little concerned about the spelling on a couple of them (she is very gifted in school).  Her dad, on the other hand, believe’s Webster’s is just an opinion, so it’s nothing to worry about.  hmmmm

I hope and pray that our children will always know they are loved.  We say it to them many times a day, and we show them our love in so many different ways.  And I always am astonished that I’m able to do that – given the lack of love that I felt as I was growing up, from my own family.

Someone recently asked me where our kids got their personalities from, especially since all four are different.  My response?  From the fact that we encouraged them, their entire lives, to be themselves and to know that they are loved (by us and many others) unconditionally.  No matter what they do, they will be loved.  That gives them room to grow into the person they want to be.  It gives them the opportunity to shine their own lights, instead of living in our shadows.  And I think it also gives them a tether, of love, so they CAN be themselves.

I certainly can’t say that I am a good parent – because I am flawed in many ways.  I have expectations, mostly pertaining to manners and respect of others … but, in my quest to help the next generation be better than the last, I pray daily that my kids will shine in their own lights.  I pray they take their smarts and their dreams and use one to find the other. 

And with love, I know they can make it – no matter what path they choose!  Even if some of their individuality is in the “goofy” range.

DD#2 and DD#3 were dumped on their heads at Camp Chrysalis yesterday – my baby is gone!  This is the second camp adventure for DD#2, but the first for DD#1.  The rule was always that they had to be 10 years-old before they could go off to camp … but, that youngest child of ours has three older siblings who have all been away at camp at some point, and she was just READY to go!  And admittedly, there are some hours of some days that WE were ready to send her off! 

DD#2 is doing the River Rider’s camp, where she’ll swim, canoe and even take a canoe trip and camp overnight under the stars.  She was very excited to go!

DD#1 is in the Extreme Adventures camp, and since she’s our most athletic, she’ll surely have an awesome time climbing up to the cross on the bluff and playing games. 

And I, for one, get very excited when they get home, because their faith is SO evident in everything they’ve done and (for a while) in what they do at home.

But, will I make it through the week without them?  I’m already missing them, and it hasn’t even been 24 hours!  It’s really HARD to leave your babies with someone else to care for!