Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit.

My momma warned me there’d be days like this (sigh).

Those pins that tell you what direction to sew a block? They get lost and fall out in the quilt block shuffle. Placing the edges of the fabrics all in the same direction as they need to be sewn? Yawn. Beating up a pillow when you’ve sewn a block together the wrong way at least four times? Oh yeah (but it still doesn’t get the block made correctly).

Have you just had a day when nothing you were quilting turned out okay? NOTHING!

I was going to be piecing a quilt top late at night so vacuumed the dog hair from the living room carpet just after the dogs went to bed so that I had a place to lay out my blocks and rows. That part went just fine!

After the house was quiet and I was alone with my sewing machine, I got down on my knees in the living room and carefully laid out all of my blocks for my quilt top. I would stand up, look at the placements, get back down and move them around until they were exactly as I’d envisioned them to be. Now I was getting somewhere!

Do your knees make noises when you stand up or sit down? Or even just cross your legs? Mine certainly do. I have always sat on one foot or the other. In my office chair, I sit on my right foot. While sitting on the floor, I sit on my left foot. No clue why but I’ve done this forever. Someone told me, back when they noticed I sat this way, that my knees would need to be replaced when I was older. I laughed, told them I was quite limber and not to borrow trouble. Now that I’m older, there is no pain and my knees are just fine but they sure do make a lot of noises when I twist myself into a pretzel while laying out quilt blocks on the floor. I have, for my personal pleasure, a knee duet!

After my quilt blocks were precisely where I wanted them, it was time to organize part of the rows so I could sew the blocks together. And this is the point where I have absolutely no idea how those blocks got turned around or sewn backwards or whatever they’ve done without my permission!

Gee, I have four teenagers, they do things without my permission all the time – maybe THAT is the reason my quilt blocks are dancing to the beat of a different drummer! When in doubt, blame it on the kids.

After sewing those first blocks together and pressing the seams, I lay them back on the floor. I pick them up in the correct order and so I should be able to put them down in the same order, right? Is time to get the pillow.

Every other block is sewn on the incorrect side of the block next to it. I turn the blocks around, thinking I just laid them out upside down. Nope, that didn’t work. I then move the sewn blocks around to see if I can make them work elsewhere in the quilt. Or vertical instead of horizontal. Anything!!!

This is where the diabolical seam ripper enters my mind. A few years ago, I took my seam ripper in one hand, a permanent marker in the other and drew a face, a goatee, eyes and horns on the handle of it. It’s the devil incarnate. I also got me a go-fast-ripper a few years ago. I have a confession to make, first. I am a trained cosmetologist. I no longer hold a license but I graduated from a cosmetology school about the same time that I took up quilting. I cut my husband’s hair, I cut my kids’ hair, I cut my mother-in-law’s hair and I even cut my own hair. Can you imagine my embarrassment when Galaxy Notions® introduced their Galaxy Seam Ripper™ to the quilt market? I have used electric clippers on heads longer than I’ve quilted and not once did it dawn on me to use one to rip out seams with. Oh the shame!

That go-fast-ripper sure got its workout that night as I sat on the floor ripping out the bad seams and placing the blocks in the correct order once again. I oh so carefully took the bad blocks to my sewing machine…and sewed them the wrong way yet again!!!

At this point, I should have just called it a night and went home. Oh wait, I was home. Okay, I should have called it a night and locked up the devil incarnate with the truant quilt blocks. But NOOOOOO. My momma also told me to never leave a job unfinished and to never go to bed angry. She may have been talking about being angry with your spouse or kids but I took it to heart and have worked hard at not going to bed angry at anything. Even angry at myself.

Again, go-fast-ripper to the rescue of one blonde quilter – and away we go!

This time, I left nothing to chance. I put two blocks together, walked them to my sewing room, sewed them as I’d intended the first time around, pressed them and put them back in order. Repeat, repeat, repeat. That word is much better than ribbit, ribbit, ribbit! And my knees went from playing a duet to having my own symphony!

Time to call it a night. I’m now all hot and sweaty, my frustration level is over the top and if I were a drinker, I’d say it was time for a double shot of whatever she’s having!

The next night. Well, let’s just not mention how many nights it took me to finish that quilt top. But my go-fast-ripper ran so much I had to replace the battery. Twice.