Category Archives: Family Therapy

It is from Ashes we Come and Ashes we Shall Return To

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Today is Ash Wednesday on the church calendar.  A special day, a humbling celebration of the simplicity of life’s beginning and end.

Today is also the day that my first cousin is being buried.  Fitting?  I’d say so.  She, too, will return to ashes.

I will not lie, there has been drama with her passing (frankly, I can’t think of a single funeral with that side of my family that hasn’t involved drama of some sort).  It has upset me and hurt me deeply.  I chose not to go to her funeral before the drama began – and thanked God that I made that decision once the drama started.  I will grieve in silence at home, with my family by my side.  I can only turn to God at times like that and lift up those who are doing the hurting in prayer, because that is how He taught us to live our lives:  lift up thine enemies in prayer.  I don’t really see those who have done the hurting as enemies, but giving the issues to God is my way of life.

But, good has come from the drama, too.  Mostly, the knowledge that I am loved unconditionally by a select few – those few are the ones who took me into their homes and hearts when no one else would, oh so many years ago.  And the knowledge that just because someone is part of your family tree, that doesn’t mean you have to let them into your life.  I’ve said it over and over again lately – I will only allow love into my home.  I deserve it, my husband deserves it and our children deserve it.  Nothing but love.  I will always be a disappointment to those who don’t allow God to control their lives, because they believe they have the control.  Fortunately for me, God IS my Father and He will never again allow me to be that child that so many threw away years ago.

It’s the dash between the dates on your tombstone that will tell the truth about your life on earth.  What will your dash say?

He Called Another Angel Home

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This is a hard post to write.  Any post about death is hard, but since most of my family has died, it’s pretty hard for me to write about another one.

cathy

My first cousin Cathy passed away in the night, after-effects of a hip replacement surgery she had last week. 

Cathy and her husband Loren raised my older brother Mike.  He was with them, helping Loren’s dad move, just hours before Mike died of a brain aneurysm in 1997.  They were his family, and their daughters were special to him.

Did I mention that Cathy named her CAT after me?  And that cat lived a long and happy life, even though it had my name.  I’ve had a niece named after me, but not a cat before!

Cathy has been working on me for over a year, trying to pull me into the family loop.  I’ve been resistant, to say the least, and if you knew about my family’s history, you’d probably understand why.  Although Cathy said I was her favorite when I was little, her dad hated me because I looked like my mother – so, I became the “throw-away” child when our dad died and our mom abandoned us.  No one wanted me.  That left a very long life of bitterness on my end, as I traveled from one foster home to another … knowing that I wasn’t wanted by my own family.  Well, I wasn’t wanted by my dad’s side of the family.  Luckily, my uncle on my mom’s side took me in and finished raising me.  Grateful doesn’t begin to explain how I feel about them, but they took a chance and I think I turned out ok – and I give them all the credit for that.

Because God is my Father and Jesus is my Savior – I know that Cathy is on her way to everlasting life, and she believed the same.  I know she’s exactly where she should be, according to His plan – and hopefully she’s giving my brother a big ole’ heavenly hug right now for the both of us.  But, I also know that her mother, husband, daughters, grandchildren, nieces, etc. are suffering from their loss.  I hope it’s acceptable for me to join that group, without offending anyone, and say that I’m suffering a bit, too. 

Before Christmas, Cathy sent me family photos from days gone by.  Lots of photos of my dad’s side of the family, as well as a number of my brothers as they were growing up.  She took hours going through photos and copying them for me, because she knew that I had little or nothing by way of tangible memories of our family. 

She cared about me, even though it took me many years to accept that.  I’m a tough bird to crack, but she was slowly peeling away the layers of my bitterness to show me that even if I felt I wasn’t part of that side of the family, she believed I was.  At least part of her family.  And I was starting to believe that. 

Now, I can only try to find joy in the knowledge that God has plans for her in heaven, better plans than what she thought He had planned for her to do on earth. 

Cathy – thank you for trying to help me find good in people that I always saw as bad.  Thank you for trying to help me see that I had a place in the family, even if I resisted.  Thank you for sharing yourself with me.  And thank you for loving me.  God’s Peace to you as you make your way Home.

Bookmarks Baby!

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Our oldest daughter gave me one of the BEST gifts at Christmas, and she made it all by herself!

bookmarks

I throw fits when the girls bend over pages of books (especially those that aren’t theirs), or when they break the spine of a book by leaving it open to save their page.  I also have a minor breakdown when I go searching for a bookmark, only to find that someone took it and didn’t put it back. 

But not anymore!  Not only do I have these  lovely hand-made bookmarks that DD#1 made for me, I can put other bookmarks that I find in the same box, so all of us can have quick access to a bookmark!  Long live books!

Happy Birthday Husband of Mine

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Normally, I would put a photograph of my dashing husband up here, celebrating and commemorating (or is that commiserating?) his special day.

Not anymore.

I have found that some of my photos are being used on other VERY INAPPROPRIATE websites.  NOT AGAIN!  I will no longer be putting up photos of my family, unless I password protect the post.  If you see a password protected post and know me personally, then feel free to email me for the password.   Otherwise, I will stick to my knitting (errrr, quilting) and only post photos of my quilt or craft projects on this blog.

What a sad state of affairs.  What a total drain of my time and energies.  But, I will pray for those who have sinned against me and my family – because they need all the prayers we can send them.

Happy birthday, honey!

2010 Prayer Journal

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Our dear friends came over last week, and gifted us with presents.  Boy, did I underestimate that one!  I didn’t get them a darned thing – not even a tater bag!  <badfriend>

My gift is a beautiful, small journal – appears to be hand-made luscious paper, bound into a book:

prayerjournal

I declared it would be my 2010 prayer journal.  I usually put my prayer lists on my calendar – but, between my work, my kids’ schedules and all of the other appointments that I have to keep up with – it got a little congested on those little lines on the calendar.  SO, I’m going to keep my prayers separate – and hopefully, it’ll give me a chance to say a prayer when the prayer is requested, and then remember to say a prayer for the person(s) before I go to bed each night.  Hey, if one aspirin works, why not try two?!

Do you keep a prayer journal?