Category Archives: Family Therapy

Girl Scouts on the Go

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This past week, some of our nation celebrated the day of the girl.  On Friday afternoon – my two younger daughters also celebrated the day of the girl by having a small Girl Scout bridging and award ceremony.

My youngest daughter earned her Bronze Award in Girl Scouts.  This award is earned by girls at the Junior level of Girl Scouts and entails a plan they put into action to help others.  They have to put in a certain number of hours on planning, talking to the community and putting their plan into action – all on a volunteer basis.  If there’s a need for funding, they have to find a way to earn that, too.  DD#3 chose to help our local AGAPE room at the church who sponsored our Girl Scout troop.  They already had a lot of clothes and small appliances for the room but the director wanted her to set up a corner in the room for kids – is one thing for needy parents to go shopping but is an added bonus if the kids can pick out something special for themselves, too.  Our daughter raided our bookshelves and cleaned out her bedroom and set up her little corner in the AGAPE room with those items, plus items that were donated.  She also volunteered to help once a month when the AGAPE room was open.  My mother-in-law worked with our daughter to make all of this happen.

Our middle daughter earned her Silver Award.  This is the next step in Girl Scout awards, earned by a Cadette Girl Scout.  She chose to help a local animal rescue place by making dog treats for their dogs.  She had to do all of the things that were mentioned above for our younger daughter, but she had to put in 50 volunteer hours instead of 20.  The kicker of the Silver (and Gold) awards is that she has to make her project sustainable.  This means, long after she’s earned her award, the project she put into play has to continue.  To make this happen, she gave a presentation to the ladies at my mother-in-law’s church by sharing the recipe she and her dad came up with for all natural dog treats – and then she showed them how to make them.  The ladies at the church agreed to make four dozen dog treats a month.  Then, she got to go out to the rescue ranch and present the treats to the dogs.  This was the part she liked the most :-)   She will continue to make a few batches of dog treats a month, as well, in the coming year.

I couldn’t be more proud of my daughters.  Girl Scouts, at the local level, isn’t about politics.  It’s not about who is allowed to be in the troop or not.  It’s about the GIRLS and a goal of helping them learn leadership through a great program.  I can tell you that I have been a leader for 10+ years and each of my three daughters learned more about kindness, compassion and leadership through their Girl Scout affiliation than they learned just about anywhere else. 

We will continue on.  Both of these girls will be in the same troop next year.  DD#2 will be working toward her Gold Award, the highest award for a Girl Scout to achieve; and DD#3 will be working toward her Silver Award.  At this point, they still love their time as Girl Scouts and as long as they continue loving it, we will find a way to facilitate them moving forward!

Proud Girl Scout Mom

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I have been a Girl Scout mom for 12 years and a trained Girl Scout leader for 10 of those years.  I have worked with our three daughters, as their leader, through field trips, camping fun, cookie sales and awards. 

This year marks the end of my Girl Scout leader volunteer activities.  My MS has made it near-impossible for me to keep up with and lead a group of girls the way I was trained (and learned how to train others) to help them grow into young ladies with leadership skills.  Not to mention that I am only trained to lead girls who are Daisy’s, Brownies and Juniors … and my three daughters will soon be beyond those younger age-levels.

This year, two of my daughters have achieved very special milestones, and earned their ‘precious metal’ awards.

Our youngest daughter earned her Girl Scout Bronze Award.  She worked with a local church and church members to help set up a room with clothing and small appliances for the needy.  To add to the room, she had her own special corner where she bagged up all of the small children books that we had at our house that weren’t written in (such as special gifts from someone) and also cleaned out her bedroom and added a box of toys to her AGAPE offerings for her corner.  She spent one Saturday when the AGAPE room was opened, helping the wonderful woman who started the mission-style work help folks pick out and carry the things they needed to their automobiles.  She also helped organize back-to-school packs to give to people who needed assistance with back-to-school supplies.  She did an amazing job and was extremely organized in her volunteer work. 

Our middle daughter was working toward her Silver Award this summer.  I went with her troop leader and four other girls sometime last year to a Silver Award workshop, to learn about what earning their Silver Award entailed.  We thought we were ahead of the game.  She had already decided who she wanted to work with to earn her Silver Award, she just had to get the prerequisites out of the way.  Unfortunately, DD#2 was registered as a Cadette for two years but was only in a troop this past year (we could not find a troop close enough to home that she wanted to be with the first year).  During the normal flow of a troop, a girl spends their first year going through their Journey (a Girl Scout book that has badges they earn) and the second year working toward their ‘precious metal’ award.  Once DD#2 was in this troop, we found out the girls in that troop had already completed their Journey, so my mother-in-law spent a month with our daughter to get her through her Journey during and after their holiday break last year.  Then the troop did a lot of Girl Scout things, such as earning their PA (Personal Assistant) pins, putting on a lock-in for the other troops in our Service Unit, doing volunteer work and what-have-you.  They did not spend a single moment working on their Silver Awards. 

I really wasn’t worried because I figured we had all summer to earn her award since her Cadette registration ran until September 30th.  That was our plan.

Boy, was I wrong!!!  Once I contacted the volunteer in charge of precious metals, she told me DD#2 should have earned her award BEFORE the LAST DAY of eighth grade.   The day after eighth grade, she was considered a ninth grader and ready to be a Senior Girl Scout. 

<gulp>

After asking what we could do, I was informed that if our daughter wrote to her for special permission, the presious metals chair could make an exception to the rule – as long as our daughter completed the requirements for her Silver Award BEFORE the first day of ninth grade.  This was THREE WEEKS before school started…and wouldn’t you know, I had planned to be out of town for two of those three weeks.

<double-gulp>

She waded through the mounds of paperwork and requirements, forms and suggestions and came up with a plan.  She would make organic dog treats for the Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch that’s just down the road from our house.  But, one question in the requirements really had her stumped – “was this project sustainable and if not, what can you do to make it sustainable?”  Obviously, dog treats are only good until you feed them to the dog – not so sustainable.  So, she and her father – bless his heart, he has been a Boy Scout since he was in the first grade and is now a Scoutmaster – but, he now had to change hats and be her home advisor to earn this award.  They decided in order to make it sustainable, she would give a cooking lesson at the church that sponsors our troop to show others how to make the dog treats.  That way, it would involve our community (making it sustainable) and others could help out the Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch for minimal time and expense.  She got the approval from the precious metals chairperson and was on her way!

50+ hours and over 1300+ dog treats later, she completed her requirements just in the nick of time.  She has one more letter she is waiting on and then she can send her paperwork to our local Girl Scout Council – and we have an exit phone interview with the precious metals committee on September 27th.  If the committee approves of her completed project, she will have earned her Silver Award.

When we delivered another batch of organic dog treats to the Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch this evening, DD#2 let out a big whoosh of air as we were leaving.  It was done.  She has one letter to wait for and then she can send her paperwork on.  BUT, she was already plotting about what she could do with the Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch in a couple of years to earn her Girl Scout Gold Award!  🙂

One of the things we made sure to do before leaving was to honor the Girl Scout tradition of pinning Cousin Nancy.  DD#2 explained that she was putting both of the pins we had brought along on Nancy’s shirt upside down.  The tradition in Girl Scouts is that once you do a good deed, you may turn them right-side up.  Obvisouly, with rescuing dogs that would otherwise be euthanized – Cousin Nancy does good deeds on a daily basis!  It shouldn’t take too long for her to get to wear her pins right-side up!

If you’re interested, Cousin Nancy wrote about our daughter on her blog:

I am a now a Proud Girl Scout mom of THREE daughters who earned their Bronze Award, and doubly blessed this year that I have one daughter who earned her Silver Award.  My smile is from my heart and I know that all of my children have been taught how to give to others in any way possible – and that being involved in Girl Scouts has been part of the reason they have this ability to reach out and grow….as young women and future leaders.

My High School Senior: The Final Frontier?

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Our oldest daughter is a senior in high school this year and has recently been overwhelmed with all of the preparation necessary for her entry into college.  In fact, she was so overwhelmed, she considered taking a gap year to get some things done and to work on trying to secure scholarships and such for college.  When I (and the school counselor) explained to her that she would not have the scholarship and/or grant opportunities if she sat out a year, she took the bull by the horns and agreed to at least move forward in her quest for furthering her education.

But, it’s daunting. 

Lucky for her, both of her parents have experience in this area.  My husband had to secure scholarships, grants and a fellowship while he was obtaining his Master’s Degree as well as his PhD.  I quit college after two years and then returned when I was in my mid-20’s, and again had to ride the waves of grants and loans.  We’re not experts in the area, by any means, but we are experienced enough that we know enough to keep our daughter calm while wading through the paperwork.

This girl has many things going for her – she’s in the top 10% of her class, she’s a member of the National Honor Society, she’s personable and friendly, lovable and kind – and she is a poster child of good academic and social manners. 

We are threading our arms together to help her get through this without too much pain and disappointment.  The pain is all of the forms to be filled out, along with taking the SATs and the disappointment will be if she does not get approved for some of the scholarships she has applied for.

She will pursue her education with as much joy as she can, because her spongy brain is nowhere near full enough to keep her content for life.  So, we will go the way that many have gone before us – and do it with joy.  And when she walks on graduation night – we will know we have given our all to help her in the next chapter of her life.

Being Left Out of Life

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It is very true that my husband and I are loners.  We love each other and we love our kids and a lot of things we do are just for us – family times together, with memories to last a lifetime.  And I will admit to not attending some events in the last 18 months because it exacerbates my multiple sclerosis symptoms.  Most of these were parties or family reunions – but everyone who was attending knew why I was not there and my kids and husband would go and explain my absence, if necessary.  Funerals do not count, in my book.  I attend very few funerals for personal reasons.

But, I have attended some functions that we deemed important enough and I would just deal with the MS symptoms after we got home.  We’ve been to a number of graduation parties and a few weddings.  After a couple of days of rest and relaxation, I am back to my normal.  No, it’s not fun recovering … but it is ever-so important to us that people know we care enough to attend their milestones and celebrate with them.

I have one friend from when I was in the fourth grade and I made a special point to surprise her by going to see her on her birthday last year.  I have foster parents who have known me since I lived with them in the late 1970s.  I have two special high school friends with whom I still converse with and I have brothers and sista cousins* and an aunt and uncle who finished raising me and many other friends and family that I have known since I was in my teens who I am close to.  Or thought I was.  Not to mention all of the family on my husband’s side of our family tree.

But, I have found that for MANY years, I am being left out of most of their lives.  I do know that since my MS diagnosis, I am treated distantly – and truly appreciate that consideration of asking me before expecting my attendance.  But, I went to my SIL’s wedding and dinner last month and was happy to see everyone and talk to them.  It was important to our family to be there, regardless of how long it took me to recover from such an event.

However, that doesn’t explain being left out of the last 30 years of my friend’s and family’s lives, even though they are always thought of on my end.  Obviously, there’s something in my personality that means I’m not welcome or I am not wanted or I am not good enough to participate with them.  I have no idea why I am not thought of as more than just a distant whatever to people.  Perhaps it’s because I am honest and direct in my communications – I don’t mince words and I tell it like it is.  Some people may be offended by that.  Maybe it’s because I have so many kids and we are a drain on folks?  Maybe they do not care for my husband?  Or maybe they know that I will forgive them and move forward as if nothing ever happened? 

Whatever their reasons and excuses – let me be very clear.  IT.  HURTS.  ME.  Many times IT.  HURTS.  MY.  CHILDREN.

I am bringing this topic up today because a friend of mine from high school’s son was just married this past weekend.  My family was not invited.  My friend made a joke that she’s just absent-minded and even forgot to invite her own sister.  When I mentioned it, she said she didn’t want me to feel obligated to come.  But just two or three weeks ago, I specifically asked her about her son’s wedding colors so I could make them a wedding quilt.

When we were in high school, I worked for her parents for three or four years.  I was so close to her parents that when they would drive through any state they knew I lived in, they would call me and we would go out for dinner or pie so they could catch me up on their lives and hear about mine.  And when I went to visit my aunt and uncle, I always called her folks or her dad and we would meet up for breakfast on our way out of town.  I made baby quilts for each of this friend’s baby’s when she had kids.  I was invited to be in my friend’s wedding but I was a broke college student living three states away and was unable to afford to attend, though I am sure I sent a card and was very humbled that she had asked me to stand up with her.  When my friend’s mother passed away, I was on vacation with my family but my sista cousin* heard about her passing and called me, and I sent flowers and my sympathy about their loss of a great lady and mother.  For a couple of summers in recent years, I have stopped and spent the night at this friend’s house while going to see family or friends, enjoying her family and catching up as old friends do.  Last year, she even kept my two older daughter’s for a week while I went to visit my foster parents and they all said they had a fabulous time.

She is not the only friend I have who has treated me this way, but she is the most recent, who tore another little piece of my heart out. 

And it affected me deeply, probably because some of my husband’s family was just here for the Labor Day weekend and not a single one of them took five minutes out of their rest, relaxation and fun to come say howdy to me.  Especially our niece, who has always made a point to come to see me when she’s here.  I can talk to one or two people at a time and not have too many MS symptoms – it’s the crowds, noise and chaos that send me to my knees.

My aunt once told me that I when I was friends with someone, I was loyal to the end with them.  If they hurt me, I would deal with it in my own way, forgive them and move forward.  I never realized that about myself but I saw it.  Someone would beat me up emotionally but then I would give it to God and go right back for more.  In some cases, this was a good move…and in some cases, it was bad for me. 

I have one brother who has only come to see me where I lived (and both times way before I was married or had kids) twice.  My other brother the same, though he has met my children so his last visit was not so long ago.  People who I care about will come within 30 miles of where we live and then say something after the fact about how close they were to me. 

I guess what I don’t get is why?  Do I have too high of expectations?  Do I only show a little love when the other person expects more?  Am I such a small blip in a person’s life that I am inconsequential to others?  Is it selfishness on their part?  Is it that they do not feel for me as I feel for them?  Is it selfishness on my part that I would like to mean more than I obviously am to them?

I’m sure with this blog post, I will not find the answers to these questions.  But, I can say that in all honesty, I am tired of being hurt over such things.  I am sure it will continue, without a doubt.  But, at some point, my quilted heart will no longer be so accepting of being trampled on.  Being ripped apart, one seam at a time. 

[* sista cousins are two cousins of mine, daughters of my aunt and uncle who finished raising me.  I am closer to them than cousins and since I lived there, we were almost like sisters.]

Another Year Older

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Today, I turn 48-years-old.  In my family, that is a huge milestone that I am so very happy to reach.  I am not afraid to tell folks my age because to me, it means I have surpassed another year that my parents and my older brother did not get to enjoy on this earth. 

There are a lot of family genetics on both sides of my family that can obviously be deadly.  My father and older brother died at the ages of 36 and 34 respectively, of brain aneurysms.  My mother committed suicide (intentional or not) when she was 35.  For me, being alive another year is a major accomplishment that I am quite proud of.  I want to raise my children.  I want to live long enough for them to succeed at whatever they choose to do after they graduate from high school.  I want to enjoy my husband as much as possible. 

I want to LIVE life to its fullest!

Now that I have MS, I can still do all of those things – though perhaps not with as much zeal as I had before the MS was diagnosed and as the disease progresses.  But, I *want* to still do everything I can to make sure that my children have their mother for as long as possible. 

So, I may be another year older but these four kids of ours are reason enough to embrace all that life has to offer, to the best of my ability, and grow old with my husband and find joy in all the big and little things that our children accomplish.

My foster parents are taking me out to dinner tonight…and we will have our own little family celebration when I return home.

Go ahead – celebrate with me!