Yes, I endured and triumphed over the DMV – finally! Or, should I say, they endured over me? It took forever and a day to finally get all of the required documents for their homeland security issues. Two previous trips over there by myself, three for my husband. And, of course, since I let my other license expire, I had to take both the written and the driving test. What a hassle!
But, despite my bad attitude with their ineptitude at giving me all of the information that I needed on both of my previous visits, I tried to chalk it up to stupidity on their part and play along with the game. This time, it worked!
I took the written test, which is not really a written test at all. It’s a jailhouse test. What do I mean? The tests are now all computerized. You can either take the test with a touch-screen computer or you can have it read to you via a telephone receiver, like you see at jail visitations in the movies! And the computer is programmed so that you never have to answer all of the questions, unless you’re just that ignorant. If you miss too many questions, it will lock you out and tell you to go home and study more. If you answer enough correct questions, you test until you get a 70% and then you’re done. My husband, with the PhD, thought that it was quite an interesting set-up. You could certainly get 100% if you never missed a single question, but could you do better than 70%? Think about it!
Once I was done with my written (per se) test, then a kindly gentleman told me to get my auto and meet him to take the driving test. He tested my horn (check), my turning signals in the front and back (check) and made sure that my auto had decent enough tires to drive him around town (check). He hopped in and explained all of the answers to me — drive with both hands on the wheel, use your turning signals, make sure you use all of your mirrors, etc. etc. Gee, I may look stupid but is this how it’s done? You tell everyone the answers and then play this game to see if they’ve been listening or not? I think my kids play this with me a lot!
First thing out of the driveway is parallel parking. It just so happens that he set up his little poles right across from the driveway to the DMV. Who is really testing here??!! As we neared the poles and he told me to parallel park, I respectfully requested that I be allowed to let the lady who wanted out of the parking lot to escape. It may not be written in the driver’s handbook that this was one of the rules of the road, but hey, this is Texas and I’ve seen enough news stories about people going postal that I didn’t want to wait around to see if this lady had a permit for a concealed weapon if she had to wait on me to parallel park! As clear as the textbook, I parked. Used my signals. Did all of the right things. Whew, the biggest challenge was getting out of the space as that rear pole was RIGHT in my blind spot! When I told Mr. DMV testing guy this, he literally turned his head so fast that his hat stayed facing forward to make sure I wasn’t plowing over his pole!
Next, I break the ice by explaining that my husband thought it was pretty funny that a woman who didn’t know left from right was driving a man around who was testing me about going left or right.
So, Mr. Smarty-Pants testing guy immediately told me to go to the intersection and take a right.
A wiseguy to boot!
I don’t really know why or what he was testing me on after that. I just don’t remember any of the book requirements for the things he was asking me to do.
And then, I missed a road.
Totally. Missed. A. Road.
In my defense, there was no street sign and the turn to the road was not perpendicular to the road we were traveling on. And there was more brush than one could cut in a day surrounding the corner of the road. But, he told me to turn right, I turned on my blinker, and then missed the road!
We were now even, and giggled about the round-about way we went to find this road again.
I think he signed off on my test because he was scared to get in the car with me again!
Whatever. My tactics worked and I’m now legal to drive on the roads again!
On another note, my sewing room is awesome!!! I’ve spent the last few evenings locked in there, sewing my little heart out. Oh man, you cannot KNOW how great it is to have a little space to work without having to drag everything out from under a bed or to leave it sitting in the dining room, strewn everywhere. I’m tickled pink. Nothing, at this point, could make me happier …. well, there’s a huge list , but *at this point* I’m elated: